No, we can talk about it. I just think parts of my legend would make you a little embarrassed.
[ She has no compunctions about talking about it, but there isn't quite as much fun in bullying Mineo about his virgin sensibilities. Not after the first time, at least. ]
[but he doesn't seem - flustered? rather, he seems like he's thinking rather seriously about it. despite his previous statement that he shouldn't be thinking about it... it seems like he's willing to listen to her sentiments.]
... but if I can't give all of myself to someone, I don't think that's love. Even if I have crushes, or I fall for people - I don't think that's the same thing as love or being in love.
I think if it's really love...
[he glances up to the ceiling in thought]
... it can wait. Just until we all get our wishes. Because isn't part of love wanting someone to succeed?
[ She knows it's probably too personal a question when they've only had any deep conversations in the past two days, but she wouldn't be her if she just didn't ask it. ]
What's holding you back? Even without the setup of this place, what's keeping you from - love?
[ When it seems pretty apparent that he wants to. ]
[he just laughs a little bit at that - surprised by the directness of the question but.]
... you're straightforward. It's pretty nice. Thanks for asking.
[he'll just say it.]
... I think I care too much - about too many concepts, too many people, too many things. My head's a mess, and I don't know up from down. Justice from injustice. You asked me if we broke even, and I still don't know. I voted, but I don't know if it was the right thing to do - I just did it because I thought 'ah, I can't risk us losing another innocent life'.
But what does 'innocent' even mean, when we're all just - here? In this system, letting people die, in theory some of us killing each other.
And I haven't found my answers yet. About good or bad, right or wrong, and maybe I'll be searching for a long time -
.... but I don't want to give anybody this half-baked version of me that's still just starting to figure stuff out.
[ She mulls over that for a second. There aren't too many things Medb is uncertain about in her life, so it's a little difficult for her to relate. What she does know is, though: ]
That's your choice, but you know, people will still care about those who haven't found themselves, who are lost or broken or whatever else.
Right and wrong are subjective, especially in a place like this. There is something that will be right or wrong for you even if it won't be the same for someone else.
But I think even if you aren't opening yourself to romance, you can open yourself to letting people help you figure the rest of that stuff out. The way this system is set up, I think it's better if you find that answer sooner or it'll drag you away from finding out anything.
[ . . . . it's her first sentiment that manages to get him to look away briefly in thought. the idea that people will still care even for those who haven't been able to come to decisive terms about their own wrestling with morality. maybe that's true. he's still not sure if that's enough for him.
though by the end, he does find himself nodding.]
... probably. I know that it feels like I'm being tested every week and - well, I've made progress but...
[ . . . some days it simply doesn't feel like enough.]
But that's my reasoning for your question. I just can't do anything halfway either. I can't tell someone I care about them in one breath but then let someone else bite me the same day. Even if other people are able to draw lines...
I don't think I can - but I've made peace with that.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Yeah. I think it would be worse if we didn't have any answers for another week, too. [he won't hide from that]
.... is it rude of me if I say that I hope you get to show up tomorrow?
[she already said she wanted it to be her but.
this is pretty much the only way he can comfortably say 'go get him']
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No. I said as much, didn't I? [ Thank you for your support, Mineo. ] I feel like some people were worried I couldn't wait.
[ But she didn't make a single move towards Law. ]
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... if I were in your shoes, I don't know whether or not I could've.
So... you're a pretty powerful person to me, Queen Medb.
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[ At least, the last few days haven't been enough to take out of her confidence or her arrogance. ]
But sometimes, I am more queen than anything else.
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.... is that part of your background too? I only know Ashiya-san's.... Sorry, if this is a dumb question.
But I guess if it's written into everything that you are... I can see it.
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[ Sometimes, it's a boon. Other times, it's a curse. ]
I was most famous in my years as a queen.
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[and he'll just gesture for her to come along and walk with him - ]
... Unless you wanna talk about something else, after all that.
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No, we can talk about it. I just think parts of my legend would make you a little embarrassed.
[ She has no compunctions about talking about it, but there isn't quite as much fun in bullying Mineo about his virgin sensibilities. Not after the first time, at least. ]
A lot of men fought to be my king.
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W-Well....!
That's not super surprising...
[she's really pretty????? she deserves to have men fight to be with her????]
- did you end up with one eventually? A king?
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[ But she likes that he drinks respect women juice. ]
I did. I had three. I left the first one. The second one died.
[ And she stuck with the third one. So it's probably fine. ]
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What was the third one like?
[was it LOVE?]
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[ It's hard to say if it was love or not, but there's some faint nostalgia in the way she speaks. ]
He grew jealous a little too easily, though. And he cheated on me.
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He what?!
[THE INSTANT WAY HE GETS PISSED ON MEDB'S BEHALF]
What an asshole!
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Yeah, he really was. I didn't and still don't forgive him for what he did, but I don't mind remembering what used to be nice.
[ She's separated enough and has gained new things to focus on, so she's over him. ]
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... I guess that's a good take on it....
But it's not alright for someone to betray your trust like that - especially if you were in love.
[i can't even say 'mineo you romantic' bc in general cheating is a faux pas??????]
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Marriage when you're royalty isn't always based on love. Sometimes, it's political.
But it sound like you'll treat whoever you choose and whoever chooses you back vey well.
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... I want to.
[ . . . ]
I don't think that's the kind of thing to think about in a place like this though.
[everyone keeps roasting mineo over his love life and he is just so 'why' about it but. life when you're a romantic....]
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Or how neat and pure they are.
[ It may not be the best idea, but can anyone control their heart?
Wasn't what was talked about in trial proof enough? However true or untrue the gay drama is. ]
It may not be wise, but is love wise?
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You're preaching to the choir, Queen Medb.
[but he doesn't seem - flustered? rather, he seems like he's thinking rather seriously about it. despite his previous statement that he shouldn't be thinking about it... it seems like he's willing to listen to her sentiments.]
... but if I can't give all of myself to someone, I don't think that's love. Even if I have crushes, or I fall for people - I don't think that's the same thing as love or being in love.
I think if it's really love...
[he glances up to the ceiling in thought]
... it can wait. Just until we all get our wishes. Because isn't part of love wanting someone to succeed?
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I don't think I'm someone who can wait like that.
[ It comes out as almost uncertain, as if she's not sure if that's something that will be true forever, but it is true now. ]
If you love, shouldn't you succeed with them?
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[he rubs the back of his neck at that, almost sheepish]
... I think I'm too lost to be able to give someone all of me, even if I want to. Or... maybe the me right now isn't good enough to really give.
[ . . . ]
But I don't think that you and I would really have the same problems.
[medb is, in fact, a queen]
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[ She knows it's probably too personal a question when they've only had any deep conversations in the past two days, but she wouldn't be her if she just didn't ask it. ]
What's holding you back? Even without the setup of this place, what's keeping you from - love?
[ When it seems pretty apparent that he wants to. ]
How are you lost?
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... you're straightforward. It's pretty nice. Thanks for asking.
[he'll just say it.]
... I think I care too much - about too many concepts, too many people, too many things. My head's a mess, and I don't know up from down. Justice from injustice. You asked me if we broke even, and I still don't know. I voted, but I don't know if it was the right thing to do - I just did it because I thought 'ah, I can't risk us losing another innocent life'.
But what does 'innocent' even mean, when we're all just - here? In this system, letting people die, in theory some of us killing each other.
And I haven't found my answers yet. About good or bad, right or wrong, and maybe I'll be searching for a long time -
.... but I don't want to give anybody this half-baked version of me that's still just starting to figure stuff out.
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That's your choice, but you know, people will still care about those who haven't found themselves, who are lost or broken or whatever else.
Right and wrong are subjective, especially in a place like this. There is something that will be right or wrong for you even if it won't be the same for someone else.
But I think even if you aren't opening yourself to romance, you can open yourself to letting people help you figure the rest of that stuff out. The way this system is set up, I think it's better if you find that answer sooner or it'll drag you away from finding out anything.
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though by the end, he does find himself nodding.]
... probably. I know that it feels like I'm being tested every week and - well, I've made progress but...
[ . . . some days it simply doesn't feel like enough.]
But that's my reasoning for your question. I just can't do anything halfway either. I can't tell someone I care about them in one breath but then let someone else bite me the same day. Even if other people are able to draw lines...
I don't think I can - but I've made peace with that.
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