[he just laughs a little bit at that - surprised by the directness of the question but.]
... you're straightforward. It's pretty nice. Thanks for asking.
[he'll just say it.]
... I think I care too much - about too many concepts, too many people, too many things. My head's a mess, and I don't know up from down. Justice from injustice. You asked me if we broke even, and I still don't know. I voted, but I don't know if it was the right thing to do - I just did it because I thought 'ah, I can't risk us losing another innocent life'.
But what does 'innocent' even mean, when we're all just - here? In this system, letting people die, in theory some of us killing each other.
And I haven't found my answers yet. About good or bad, right or wrong, and maybe I'll be searching for a long time -
.... but I don't want to give anybody this half-baked version of me that's still just starting to figure stuff out.
[ She mulls over that for a second. There aren't too many things Medb is uncertain about in her life, so it's a little difficult for her to relate. What she does know is, though: ]
That's your choice, but you know, people will still care about those who haven't found themselves, who are lost or broken or whatever else.
Right and wrong are subjective, especially in a place like this. There is something that will be right or wrong for you even if it won't be the same for someone else.
But I think even if you aren't opening yourself to romance, you can open yourself to letting people help you figure the rest of that stuff out. The way this system is set up, I think it's better if you find that answer sooner or it'll drag you away from finding out anything.
[ . . . . it's her first sentiment that manages to get him to look away briefly in thought. the idea that people will still care even for those who haven't been able to come to decisive terms about their own wrestling with morality. maybe that's true. he's still not sure if that's enough for him.
though by the end, he does find himself nodding.]
... probably. I know that it feels like I'm being tested every week and - well, I've made progress but...
[ . . . some days it simply doesn't feel like enough.]
But that's my reasoning for your question. I just can't do anything halfway either. I can't tell someone I care about them in one breath but then let someone else bite me the same day. Even if other people are able to draw lines...
I don't think I can - but I've made peace with that.
... if it's just about making it up to you - I can just tell you now. But uh - don't repeat this to anyone 'cause it's kinda gross, and definitely don't bring it up to Takeru or you'll actually lose major points with him. He hates talking about me.
[but.]
.... he's my partner, though. So that means nothing and no one is gonna be more important to me than him until we're done here. If it's about giving myself to someone, even if it's not romantic, I already decided that a while back.
[if anything it's probably a giant piece of the puzzle as to why mineo doesn't feel comfortable with romance at all - his priorities are spoken for, and he's loyal enough to never disengage from them.]
I guess, but... You wanna get to know him, right? [since the reason he made her dinner at all was because he didn't talk about takeru's hobbies] So I'm giving you advice: he really hates talking about me. Instant landmine.
[takeru will instantly want to leave the conversation if mineo becomes the topic, he hates it so much]
I don't know about after - we're still going to hang out, probably but... At least here, we have an agreement. For as long as that lasts... I know he's important to me.
[ Even if the two of them don't get along in a traditional sense, if Takeru will just up and leave even though it's obvious the two of them work together...
I think people are making him sit through it a lot - so when he already doesn't like talking about me, it's just gotten worse.
[mineo says it with a tone of surprise - like he's not even sure why people would talk to takeru about him???????
please leave their weird relationship alone]
If you wanna talk to him, stick to either useful conversation or like... [a beat. what does takeru like.] I guess you could criticize other stuff and he'd find it engaging enough.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
... you're straightforward. It's pretty nice. Thanks for asking.
[he'll just say it.]
... I think I care too much - about too many concepts, too many people, too many things. My head's a mess, and I don't know up from down. Justice from injustice. You asked me if we broke even, and I still don't know. I voted, but I don't know if it was the right thing to do - I just did it because I thought 'ah, I can't risk us losing another innocent life'.
But what does 'innocent' even mean, when we're all just - here? In this system, letting people die, in theory some of us killing each other.
And I haven't found my answers yet. About good or bad, right or wrong, and maybe I'll be searching for a long time -
.... but I don't want to give anybody this half-baked version of me that's still just starting to figure stuff out.
no subject
That's your choice, but you know, people will still care about those who haven't found themselves, who are lost or broken or whatever else.
Right and wrong are subjective, especially in a place like this. There is something that will be right or wrong for you even if it won't be the same for someone else.
But I think even if you aren't opening yourself to romance, you can open yourself to letting people help you figure the rest of that stuff out. The way this system is set up, I think it's better if you find that answer sooner or it'll drag you away from finding out anything.
no subject
though by the end, he does find himself nodding.]
... probably. I know that it feels like I'm being tested every week and - well, I've made progress but...
[ . . . some days it simply doesn't feel like enough.]
But that's my reasoning for your question. I just can't do anything halfway either. I can't tell someone I care about them in one breath but then let someone else bite me the same day. Even if other people are able to draw lines...
I don't think I can - but I've made peace with that.
no subject
But before she addresses the serious quality of their conversation: ]
Who did, by the way? Who did you let mark you?
no subject
he flusters at that and looks away]
That's -
Not appropriate to share! So I won't...!
no subject
Mineo.
no subject
... I really can't, Queen Medb.... It's not right.
I'm sorry.
no subject
no subject
Wait - no, I didn't mean to—I'll make it up to you again?!
no subject
Fine! Fine. If you have anyone you think you'd like to give all of yourself to at the end of all this, tell me, okay?
[ She wants the gossip. ]
no subject
In what sense? Romantically?
no subject
In any sense, but if that's what's important to you, yeah.
no subject
... if it's just about making it up to you - I can just tell you now. But uh - don't repeat this to anyone 'cause it's kinda gross, and definitely don't bring it up to Takeru or you'll actually lose major points with him. He hates talking about me.
[but.]
.... he's my partner, though. So that means nothing and no one is gonna be more important to me than him until we're done here. If it's about giving myself to someone, even if it's not romantic, I already decided that a while back.
[if anything it's probably a giant piece of the puzzle as to why mineo doesn't feel comfortable with romance at all - his priorities are spoken for, and he's loyal enough to never disengage from them.]
no subject
You two do seem close. He seems prickly about a lot of things, not just you, though.
[ Medb doesn't make it sound like a bad thing. She actually doesn't mind that about people in general, considering her own personality. ]
But you're going to devote yourself to him while we're here, huh? And after?
no subject
[takeru will instantly want to leave the conversation if mineo becomes the topic, he hates it so much]
I don't know about after - we're still going to hang out, probably but... At least here, we have an agreement. For as long as that lasts... I know he's important to me.
no subject
[ Even if the two of them don't get along in a traditional sense, if Takeru will just up and leave even though it's obvious the two of them work together...
What happened there? ]
no subject
[mineo says it with a tone of surprise - like he's not even sure why people would talk to takeru about him???????
please leave their weird relationship alone]
If you wanna talk to him, stick to either useful conversation or like... [a beat. what does takeru like.] I guess you could criticize other stuff and he'd find it engaging enough.
[BEING A BITCH?]
no subject
I'll try to remember that.
[ She tilts her head to the side. ]
He hasn't actually walked away from any of our conversations, so I don't think I'm doing too terribly?
[ She's not certain, though. ]
no subject
[and he just snorts, a little amused at her uncertainty]
I can tell you how to not annoy him based on my own mistakes, but I'm no good at actually making him happy.
But if he can get along with other people here, that's enough for me.
no subject
You're so sincere, Mineo. Do people ever get cavities listening to you?
no subject
[THAT REALLY HIT HIM OUT OF NOWHERE]
I - I just say what comes to mind....
no subject
I know you do. It's not a bad thing. A lot of people like to hear those kinds of things.
no subject
... I guess.... I don't really think twice about it... but if it helps people, that's good.