[ It's not that she's not angry or annoyed at the implication because she is, but it's not like she doesn't understand either.
The outcome is it didn't work. And that he's admitted that it did hurt him. It does hurt him. His honesty here is what saves him.
She squeezes his hand gently. It's unfortunate how much she still likes him. It's unfortunate that she's not unused to people she's so fond of being ready to fuck her over in the end. ]
We're all here because we want something. I haven't forgotten that, and I haven't forgotten anything you've told me.
[ Her voice is soft. ]
If it happened again, would you make the same choice again?
[ he sounds a little surprised by his own words, actually. it's been something that he's been warring over for weeks now, and this is, genuinely the first time he's had a clear answer that leaves no room for doubt. ]
I don't really care what happens to me at this point. But I can't ruin things for you.
[ it's funny, because it's really time being frozen that screwed him over. takeru is the kind of person who you can't really leave in his own head for too long.
he may be selfish, but he really doesn't want to be cruel. ]
His choice from before has done a number on him. She shouldn't be surprised, but she is a little. His answer cinches it for her, and it is enough to move her. She shifts until she can wrap her arms around him. ]
It would ruin things for me if something happened to you, Takeru. I care.
there's a second of hesitance, but he'll lean into the touch. it's difficult, to try to come to terms with what he should allow himself to have at the moment. ]
You probably shouldn't. But... I can't say I hate it.
[ People can do horrible things and make horrible choices. She knows that. The result is that he got vored and now he feels terrible about himself. If she liked him less, she'd rub salt into his wounds and drive a knife into where it hurts.
Funny how much he likes him, huh? Funny how much she still likes him.
She pulls away from him a little, so she can see him better. ]
I want you, Takeru.
[ Because even if he made that choice, he was honest about it, and that makes enough of a difference.
Medb expects people to lie here. Takeru has lied to her about other things, but at least, he's honest about what holds more weight to her. ]
I want you to be mine, if only for a little while.
If it's for a little while. I don't think I can promise anything longer, after...
[ the thing is, after what happened today, he knows that he really can't dedicate himself more to someone in that sense. there are a lot of things he needs to figure out, and there's the forever creeping guilt that makes it hard to accept something resembling happiness at the moment.
[ It's fine if it's not for long. It's not something she can promise either, if only because of what she is and who is as a person. She just knows who and what she wants and goes after it. She won the indulgence game. That's proof enough of how she chases after anyone and anything. ]
Be honored that you're the one I want to let go of the least. Know that.
[ ... ]
And know that if you're feeling terrible after your choice, you're a better person than you think you are.
[ She can sense a little that her words didn't land, and that's how much she can guess how Takeru feels about himself. She knows he's a better person than he thinks he is because he's feeling guilt. She knows a number of people who'd say yes and feel no remorse.
She isn't here to argue this with him, though. She really, truly is selfish. ]
Mm. You do. Do you best for me, okay? Not many get that privilege.
[ She is not kind, but she sighs and cups his face in her hands, attempting to make him look her in the eyes. ]
I don't want you to do anything more that will hurt you. That's all. I can't fault ambition. [ She isn't the type to tell anyone not to go for revenge, not when her own lore is steeped in revenge. ] But...
[ Her voice becomes quieter, almost as if she's confused by her own admission. ]
[ at the very least, despite everything, he does look at her directly when she does this. he may be trying to run from certain things, but others he's still firm about. ]
... it'll take time.
[ he really cannot begin to explain just how badly karma hit him immediately afterwards. ]
[ ... that almost makes her look away, but she doesn't. She's never been ashamed of who she is, of anything she's done (even if she does have regrets despite telling him how she wants to have none, even if there are things she hates about the last time she died), but there are reasons she doesn't ask for anything longer from Takeru.
She smiles. It's not quite wistful, but it doesn't reach her eyes. She's never cared about being nice. ]
To you, I am. If I liked you any less, our conversation would be very different. I'm not the forgiving type.
[ She pointedly mentioned his getting slimed and vored. ]
You might like me less the more you know about me.
[ he did say he'd be hers, even if it's just for today.
because in general, he really isn't that nice either. the dead claiming that he was biased wasn't exactly wrong in a sense; they were just wrong in what exactly he was being biased about. but he does prioritize himself over others for many things, and that showed today in the worst way.
does he regret it? yes. but he was still able to do it. ]
I guess so. It just means whatever sweetness I dispense is all that much sweeter.
[ She gives special treatment, and she doesn't care about fairness.
They're both horribly selfish people, but Medb doesn't see that as a detriment. Even if other people view selfishness as a flaw, she doesn't. It's a good driving force. ]
I won't tell you to look me up, but don't say I never tried to warn you, okay?
but he has been in the indulgence center long enough at this point that some things are skewed, and even then, most of his hatred for certain people here came from a combination of them being terrible but also really annoying about it. takeru does not have the patience for that.
but his hand goes to rest against her jawline, his thumb moving in a slow circle against her skin. ]
I can't say I'll understand, or like it all, but I don't think we'll ever like all the decisions that people make.
[ She closes her eyes briefly at the touch and smiles.
It's a little hard to believe he'll be fine with it when she knows it's easier for people to accept certain parts of her and not every part. She doesn't know anyone who has, and she doesn't expect him to be that person either.
But it's nice to think he could be fine with it. ]
It'd be boring if we did. We're too decisive, too opinionated as people, but I'll believe you tonight.
[ Since tonight is all she wants. She doesn't expect anything after tomorrow, if everything goes well. ]
Even if tomorrow goes sideways, I'll believe that much.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ It's not that she's not angry or annoyed at the implication because she is, but it's not like she doesn't understand either.
The outcome is it didn't work. And that he's admitted that it did hurt him. It does hurt him. His honesty here is what saves him.
She squeezes his hand gently. It's unfortunate how much she still likes him. It's unfortunate that she's not unused to people she's so fond of being ready to fuck her over in the end. ]
We're all here because we want something. I haven't forgotten that, and I haven't forgotten anything you've told me.
[ Her voice is soft. ]
If it happened again, would you make the same choice again?
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[ he sounds a little surprised by his own words, actually. it's been something that he's been warring over for weeks now, and this is, genuinely the first time he's had a clear answer that leaves no room for doubt. ]
I don't really care what happens to me at this point. But I can't ruin things for you.
[ it's funny, because it's really time being frozen that screwed him over. takeru is the kind of person who you can't really leave in his own head for too long.
he may be selfish, but he really doesn't want to be cruel. ]
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His choice from before has done a number on him. She shouldn't be surprised, but she is a little. His answer cinches it for her, and it is enough to move her. She shifts until she can wrap her arms around him. ]
It would ruin things for me if something happened to you, Takeru. I care.
[ It really is surprising how much. ]
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there's a second of hesitance, but he'll lean into the touch. it's difficult, to try to come to terms with what he should allow himself to have at the moment. ]
You probably shouldn't. But... I can't say I hate it.
[ a pause. ]
Reparations?
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If you said you hated it, it'd make me sad, and I've never cared for what I should or shouldn't do.
[ Is she joking? Is she sincere? It's a little of both.
(It's more sincere than it isn't.) ]
What is it you think I want from you?
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[ especially not now, when he is admittedly surprised that she didn't react a lot worse than she did when he told her what happened.
and honestly, he has made assumptions about these kinds of things before, even when it didn't involve himself. this feels a little more delicate. ]
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Funny how much he likes him, huh? Funny how much she still likes him.
She pulls away from him a little, so she can see him better. ]
I want you, Takeru.
[ Because even if he made that choice, he was honest about it, and that makes enough of a difference.
Medb expects people to lie here. Takeru has lied to her about other things, but at least, he's honest about what holds more weight to her. ]
I want you to be mine, if only for a little while.
[ She isn't someone who asks for forever. ]
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well. ]
If it's for a little while. I don't think I can promise anything longer, after...
[ the thing is, after what happened today, he knows that he really can't dedicate himself more to someone in that sense. there are a lot of things he needs to figure out, and there's the forever creeping guilt that makes it hard to accept something resembling happiness at the moment.
but. it might be fine, for now. ]
You do need to claim what's owed.
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You do owe me a lot.
[ It's fine if it's not for long. It's not something she can promise either, if only because of what she is and who is as a person. She just knows who and what she wants and goes after it. She won the indulgence game. That's proof enough of how she chases after anyone and anything. ]
Be honored that you're the one I want to let go of the least. Know that.
[ ... ]
And know that if you're feeling terrible after your choice, you're a better person than you think you are.
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but... it's nice to pretend, even for a little while, that that could be true. ]
... then I'll take care of you now. I have a lot to pay you back for, and to live up to.
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She isn't here to argue this with him, though. She really, truly is selfish. ]
Mm. You do. Do you best for me, okay? Not many get that privilege.
... Just don't be too stupid about it.
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[ karma bit him so hard. it's so funny, he needs so much therapy now. ]
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She reaches over and pats him on the head like he does to everyone else. ]
If you realize that, that's a start. It's not like you're the type to let one stupid thing stop you, right?
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[ he was literally having a panic attack and was getting pissed at the implication he couldn't help with the computer stuff earlier so
yeah, he really is not the type. ]
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[ Because that'd be stupid, too. ]
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If I didn't push or set limits, wouldn't the chance for you run off and do something to be slimed again be higher?
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... I'll be careful.
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I don't want you to do anything more that will hurt you. That's all. I can't fault ambition. [ She isn't the type to tell anyone not to go for revenge, not when her own lore is steeped in revenge. ] But...
[ Her voice becomes quieter, almost as if she's confused by her own admission. ]
I can't say I'm not affected by how you are now.
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... it'll take time.
[ he really cannot begin to explain just how badly karma hit him immediately afterwards. ]
But also, I think you're nicer than you think.
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She smiles. It's not quite wistful, but it doesn't reach her eyes. She's never cared about being nice. ]
To you, I am. If I liked you any less, our conversation would be very different. I'm not the forgiving type.
[ She pointedly mentioned his getting slimed and vored. ]
You might like me less the more you know about me.
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[ he did say he'd be hers, even if it's just for today.
because in general, he really isn't that nice either. the dead claiming that he was biased wasn't exactly wrong in a sense; they were just wrong in what exactly he was being biased about. but he does prioritize himself over others for many things, and that showed today in the worst way.
does he regret it? yes. but he was still able to do it. ]
But that doesn't mean it's not there.
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I guess so. It just means whatever sweetness I dispense is all that much sweeter.
[ She gives special treatment, and she doesn't care about fairness.
They're both horribly selfish people, but Medb doesn't see that as a detriment. Even if other people view selfishness as a flaw, she doesn't. It's a good driving force. ]
I won't tell you to look me up, but don't say I never tried to warn you, okay?
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[ will he approve? no.
but he has been in the indulgence center long enough at this point that some things are skewed, and even then, most of his hatred for certain people here came from a combination of them being terrible but also really annoying about it. takeru does not have the patience for that.
but his hand goes to rest against her jawline, his thumb moving in a slow circle against her skin. ]
I can't say I'll understand, or like it all, but I don't think we'll ever like all the decisions that people make.
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It's a little hard to believe he'll be fine with it when she knows it's easier for people to accept certain parts of her and not every part. She doesn't know anyone who has, and she doesn't expect him to be that person either.
But it's nice to think he could be fine with it. ]
It'd be boring if we did. We're too decisive, too opinionated as people, but I'll believe you tonight.
[ Since tonight is all she wants. She doesn't expect anything after tomorrow, if everything goes well. ]
Even if tomorrow goes sideways, I'll believe that much.
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